Love before marriage or love after arranged marriage – Which is the best choice?

Love before marriage or  love after marriage  Which is the best choice

We belong to a country where the custom of arranged marriage is revered, unlike the West where people are encouraged to find their own partners and settle down. For traditional Indians, compromise is the basis of every relationship, as that is what brings forth the understanding. Elders prefer to choose the life partners of their wards and expect a lavish wedding with the consent and blessings of elders.

Right now, along with many changes, India is going through transition in culture as well. Along with arranged marriage and love marriage, there is a new kind of marriage in which the ward chooses their life partner from options given by the elders and the elders complete the formalities of the marriage. This is a win win situation where the bride and groom are happy with their selection and the elders get to preserve the culture and tradition.

Enter the concept of love marriage. Suddenly, youngsters are selecting their own life partners, irrespective of caste and creed. Sometimes, even religion seems to be no bar. For traditionalists, it is a bitter pill to chew and they blame the rising number of divorces on this new fangled system. But the question that finally comes up is: are arranged marriages more secure than love marriage? Or do love marriages pose a better understanding between husband and wife.

1. Understanding – Love marriage can be called an alliance between two people who accept each other for what they are. Therefore, they have a healthy understanding. But, once life becomes mundane after the honeymoon, will the love stay the same?

Arranged marriage is an alliance done by the elders of the family where two people are set together for life. they do not know each other well and the time they are together will help them understand each other and lead to a sublime love budding. But what if the couple realizes that their hopes and expectations are not compatible with each other?

2. Family support – all arranged marriages have the support of family as they have followed family wishes in the marriage endeavours and can always bank on their family in case of financial or moral support. But often it is seen that elders do not get along with the life partner chosen by them, leading to bitter altercations and resulting in fallout.

Love marriages, if done with the consent of family, will follow the same mantra. But if the love marriage is done against the will of the family, family resentment will lead to them being cut off from the family and they cannot bank on them for any kind of support.

Finally, at the end of the day, we have to accept that a relationship is based on the people involved in it. This is irrespective of the origin of the relationship, love or arranged. If hopes and expectations do not match, irrespective of love or an arranged alliance, a relationship is bound to fail. We need to cast differences aside and accept each other for who and what we are and prepare to handle a journey together. Every relationship calls for compromise and a great deal of patience. After all, no situation in life is easy and every situation calls for deep understanding. There is not much difference between love and arranged marriage as both are alliances between two people for life. The essential requirement for a healthy marriage is emotional maturity which helps us understand and respect the institution f marriage so that we learn to live with others, learn through life while supporting the spouse and lead a fruitful and successful life.

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